Friday, September 21, 2012

Musical Terms: Defined

(or, “A post full of exaggeration which was written on the spur of the moment and should not be taken too seriously”)
Baby Grand – About as easy to fit in your living room as a baby elephant.  At least it sounds nicer, though.
Bluegrass – An easy way to get everyone in the room tapping their feet and clapping.  (Also an epic way to get people dancing.  Seriously, I know it’s not historically accurate, but I wish people would accompany ECD with a banjo.)
Country Music – The result of someone losing something and singing about it like a moaning cow.
Do - A deer, a female deer…
Easy Listening – The music played when someone puts you on hold for several hours and wishes to give you a headache.
Fa – A long, long way to run.
Harmony - What you pretend to sing when you don’t know the melody.
La – A note to follow so
Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, et al.  - The latest innovation in musical torture.
Lullabies – Nonsensical lyrics put to soothing tunes.  Rock-a-bye baby, in the….TREETOP?!   What kind of mother sticks her baby up there?
Metal  - An odd combination of music and chainsaws.
Mi – A name I call myself.
Musicals - When an entire town or group of people suddenly makes up a song together and sings it, with no previous practice or planning, and a movie is made of the miraculous event.
Opera - A quick way to get either a headache or a sore throat.
Praise Choruses – Music with lots of repetition.  They like to repeat themselves a lot.  Repeating is common.  Repeating themselves frequently is what these folks tend to do.  They don’t often use big words, either.   They like to repeat the same lines over and over and over and over and over and over and over and…
Rap – The musical equivalent of Red Bull.  Listening might not be the most enjoyable thing, and you might not understand what you’re hearing, but at least you won’t have to worry about falling asleep…
Ri – A drop of golden sun.
Rock Music  - What happens when people try to imitate the sound of grating stones – with their voice and a set of drums.
So – A needle pulling thread.
Solo - Singing so low no one can hear anything.
Staccato – Imitating the sound of rapidly popping popcorn.  This is sort of how I end up sounding when I practice piano after drinking coffee.
Ti – A drink with jam and bread.

What others can you think of?